The past weeks have been very confusing, stressful, yet exciting! The Olympics have finally rolled in, and Canada has already won TWO gold medals. I've discovered that Winter Sports are indeed VERY intense and exciting to watch. I never thought I would prefer curling over Hockey, or Moguls over Family Guy/regular programming. It's quite a nice surprise.
I've recently had to face some realities that have hit me pretty hard. I'm going to go on tour VERY soon; great, but what about after? The tour is going to cost me more than I can earn, and recently I lost my job due to poor business. Will my band make it big? Will our manager's word bring the dream that we've all dreamt since we were 10 years old? Will we be able to catch the attention of the world?
My dream of being of a photographer will not be met anytime soonI still have yet to establish a style and a decent portfolio. I haven't been happy with my work; I've only been...momentarily accomplished. I look back and am always forced to restart/revaluate everything. What must I do to achieve what I've sought?
I would like to get better, and extend my equipment, but I will need money, I will need to invest blood, sweat, tears and MONEY. Something that has disappeared from my pockets, under my bed, in my bank account. Will all of this investing pay off in time to come? Will I even be able to be recognized as a photographer? Will I even be a example musician to others? Or will they see me as just another someone trying to make it as a musician. Will I be able to establish a sense of design? Will I finally see joy in web coding and management? With my family's sacrifices be worth all of the hardship?
On top of that, I've recently been seeing someone new. Can't wait till all of that kicks in
This has all been rolling in and out of my head. And while I a confident that EVERYTHING will work out in the end, I worry about everyone else. I worry that I will lose something dear to me in the process of discovering my end. While I've lost motivation/energy/inspiration to do anything habitual, I can only wait until all of it comes back to me.
Lastly, thanks to Angels and Airwaves for the free album download. I'm sure their music can ease my mind for the next 48 hours.